“Long Distance Relationship”
The most intimidating 3-word relationship phrase out there. Normally you meet someone, you date a little while, fall in love and decide that the distance won’t tear you apart. You unofficially sign up for the long talks on the phone, the 3-hour plane rides, the sleeping alone at night. You suck it up and make it work. Some people can do this for years( props to you boo) and others like me, are sorta wellllll #strugglin.
I lived in L.A for 5 years, 4 of which were spent dating and living with this stud in the photo above. Originally from SF I was itching to get back home so one day I woke up and ripped off the band-aid. I told my boyfriend I just couldn’t stay in L.A anymore, that I need to go home and he completely supported my decision. I quit my job, we packed up our perfect little one bedroom apartment, and I loaded up my vehicle to head to the bay. It sounds rash and risky, maybe even a little selfish, but I was going insane being in that city. Most people rarely ever intentionally sign up for a long distance relationship. I mean what person in their right mind leaves that perfect little home you’ve created. But I believe if your relationship is built on the right foundation it can withstand anything, so me and my boyfriend welcomed this opportunity; despite outside or society beliefs. He is still working to move to the bay- but for now we’ve been hanging with the long distance crew and I’ve learned a few things on how to keep the mojo.
Establish Rules: Clarity is the first step in this process. You and your partner need to establish certain things. For example, I will always call before 9pm or check-ins at lunch. It sounds systematic, but it’s definitely needed. Without that physical interaction, you need to connect with your partner on a daily basis. No one wants to feel forgotten so it’s important to establish expectations ahead of time. You can open up a whole bunch of unnecessary issues if you don’t have proper rules.
Be a little ole’fashion: In the world of social media and text, it gets really easy to miss out on the things that have a personal touch. For example cards or letters. They show that you took the initiative to think about your partner and that you took the time to actually write and send it off. Chivalry is not dead and it goes both ways. Don’t hesitate to send your man a sweet and thoughtful gift. My boyfriend really wanted to get into HTML coding, so I bought him a book on web design. It doesn’t sound the most romantic, but it shows that I listened to what he wanted and took the time to find a book related to his interests.
Enjoy the moment: On average you may get 2-3 hours on the phone (actually speaking to your partner), try not to spend it arguing. If you both work or if you live in different time zones then it may be less than that. Obviously if you’re upset about something then voice your concern but try to end the night on a more positive note. Me and my boyfriend usually argue about what will happen when he moves here, which is a total waste of time. Things change with the day so no point in wasting precious time on the phone arguing about future plans.
Same Kierra, Different Location: Every time I bought new makeup I would rush home to show him. I would swatch all my lipsticks, show off the pretty packaging, tell him about the awesome sale; I could ramble for a solid hour about my Sephora goodies. He probably didn’t care, but he listened because he knew I was excited. Don’t lose those moments. Yes, you may not come home to him at night and can’t show him in person but you could take pictures and maybe even call while you’re shopping. Those little moments are things that keep the relationship stable. If you always edit your day because you don’t have enough time to talk on the phone or because “it would really be better if you were here to see it”, then you will miss out on special moments. My beauty ramblings seem ridiculous, but he loves my ridiculousness, now it’s just over the phone instead of in person. Same Kierra, Different location.
Hope these tips help you like they’ve helped me!